


if i only could (make a deal with god)

by kingslayers (colbee)



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: (in the way that i took finns injury and fabricated a story of what happened after), Canon Compliant, Injury, M/M, Seth is depressed and Finn is possessed, Sexual Content not explicit but is mentioned, They're both guilty boys who need some love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 02:13:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13603410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colbee/pseuds/kingslayers
Summary: cyclicalˈsɪklɪk(ə)ladjectiveoccurring in cycles; recurrent.in 2016, finn bálor was injured in a match against seth rollins.in late 2017, he shares a headphone with him.





	if i only could (make a deal with god)

**Author's Note:**

> so this was a drabble that ended up being my second longest fic ive ever written, and honestly i have no idea where it came from. this is my first time writing anything for Actual Wrestlerstm (because we're going to ignore my wrestling au), so i really hope that i kept it within 'universe' so to speak.
> 
> id really like to thank my girlfriend manickmondays (finnseth on tumblr) and devilheaded on tumblr for sitting with me throughout this mess of a fic, giving me tips and generally just being my cheerleaders.
> 
> this fic is dedicated to my fantastic aforementioned girlfriend, and also my darling friend fred, who if it weren't for them, this fic wouldn't even exist <3
> 
> come hang out with me on tumblr at either gaywood or rollinses!

Seth slumps onto the bench, his legs shaking beneath him. They barely kept him upright for the entirety of the walk back from the ring. His hands were shaking along with his knees, almost quaking his entire body. 

 

That didn’t go well, it didn’t go well at all. God, actually it went to fucking shit in about two seconds, and there was nothing he could do to salvage it. He really fucked it all up, and all because of his goddamn fucking knee. He just couldn’t manage to get up onto one leg for the Enzuigiri and it all fell apart from there.

 

Holy shit, he was a real disappointment. He saw it on everyone’s faces after he went to guerilla, he saw it on Kane’s face after the pin. Oh God, he doesn’t want to see Stephanie for the next three weeks, he will never hear the end of this. 

 

No one in the locker room is looking at him, for fucking once. Seth shudders through a pretty violent shake, his knee aching as it hits the edge of the bench. He winces.

 

“Fuck,” he hisses, massaging the aching joint. He hates his goddamn body for just up and failing on him like this. Everything in his life just keeps going wrong; he swears he’s been cursed or something. 

 

Seth stops massaging his knee after a while, and leans over to his bag, pulling out his phone. He ignores the text that is waiting for him, and just opens up his Spotify playlist again. He knows he can’t leave yet, they’ll want to look over him soon, and then he’ll need to debrief Hunter about his knee, and then… 

 

_ And then _ .

 

He sighs again, and turns up his music a few notches. The loud guitars drown out the rest of the world, for which he is grateful. It kind of eats up the loneliness that’s been milling about in his head for a long time, about three years long or something, Seth stopped keeping count about six months after that whole incident.

 

God, his knee hurts. It hasn’t been this bad since the tour in Ireland, where the injury came from seemingly nowhere. Just another fucking thing to hurt in his body. First his head, and now his knee. It didn’t matter that they were very,  _ very  _ different hurts, but hurts all the same.

 

Someone sits next to him, and Seth half expects to turn and see one of the trainers, or worse yet, Hunter coming to track him down to give him the talking to. He steels himself up, and decides to not pull his headphones out until he sees who is next to him.

 

Seth turns towards his new company, and is actually surprised at who he sees. He pulls out his headphones quickly to stop seeming like such a dickhead.

 

“Finn. Hey.” Seth says, a trifle awkward, and oh, he hates that. It’s been a bit of a while since he saw Finn Bálor, though. In the sense of: ‘I injured you and regretted it so much that I was thinking about it and then I got injured myself and I had to try to avoid you because of it’. 

 

Finn smiles at him. Seth knows that Finn doesn’t blame him. They got a coffee once or twice after Seth’s surgery, and Finn had a habit of trying to drive home how Seth isn’t at fault for the injury. But Seth… Well, he did a Seth. And sort of cut all contact with Finn as he was getting ready to get back into the ring.

 

“Hello, stranger,” Finn drawls, still smiling. “I was finally able to track you down.”

 

Seth hangs his headphones around his neck. The music is still playing through them, slightly muffled. “Uh, yeah, seems so, man.” 

 

Finn is still smiling, and Seth knows he’s meant to feel reassured, but so much is happening in his head, a bunch of toxic thoughts finding a home. You know, the usual. 

 

“I saw your match, that looked bad. Your knee, right?” Finn asks, and Seth just nods. It’s pretty well known that his lower half is just a ticking time bomb at this point. “Well, I applaud you for trying what you did, man. Not many could still try to do what you’ve got in your repertoire.”

 

Seth snorts. “Tell that to our boss. And my opponent,” he points out, feeling slightly bitter. Finn shouldn’t be nice to him, God. It’s not just his lower half that’s a ticking time bomb.  _ He  _ is. Speaking of nice… “You have a point, man?”

 

Finn laughs. “I almost forgot you were such a shit,” he jokes, and while usually Seth would get all huffy about the pseudo insults, he just finds himself laughing quietly along with Finn. Finn’s always been that infectious, even in the short time they spent together. “I came here because you looked like a lass who got dumped in the rain. Felt  chivalrous .”

 

Seth groans and throws his head back into the actual locker. He doesn’t hit his head, but it’s enough to hide his face.

 

“Thank you, your Majesty,” Seth mutters, and Finn’s laughter stops. There is a moment of silence, the only thing making noise is the low talks of their coworkers around the locker room and the now significantly lighter guitar track coming out of Seth’s headphones before he comes out of the locker to look at Finn. 

 

Apparently completely ignoring Seth’s comment, except for the whole not laughing anymore thing, Finn smiles yet again. “What are you listening to?”

 

“Uh.” Seth answers dumbly, not really knowing now. He just put his playlist on shuffle. Finn takes that as an invite to take one of Seth’s headphones from around his neck, and he puts it in his ear.

 

‘ _ Hey young blood, doesn’t it feel like our time is running out?’ _

 

His smile goes from kind to a boyish grin of absolute glee. “Fall Out Boy, huh?”

 

“Don’t judge me,” Seth says quickly, but Finn is lightly tapping his fingers on his own knee to the song. So Seth puts in his other headphone, and it kind of hit with the change of genre, like his little electronic world is trying to tell him something. It went from loud, rough guitar and vocals to… Well. The energetic kind of rock that makes Seth want to blow something up in a good way.

 

“I’m not judging. I like these guys, only really getting into them,” Finn keeps tapping his fingers on his knee. “Really good to work out to when I’m in a mood, you know?”

 

“I know what you mean,” Seth responds, though he isn’t truly focusing right on the music. He is just watching at the rhythmic tap of Finn’s fingers. There’s something kind of hypnotic about this guy, and that isn’t exact a foreign thought to Seth. He’s got this sort of… Aura? Seth doesn’t really believe much in the idea of auras and the like, but he knows that Finn gives off the type of energy that Seth wants to be around.

 

They listen to the entirety of the song together before Finn pulls the headphone out, breaking Seth out of the spell he’d been put under and bringing him back to the real world, where one of the trainers is hovering, waiting to check over Seth’s knee, and Hunter, the ever present suited shadow. 

 

Seth sighs as Finn gives him a wink. “You important or somethin’, mate?” he murmurs, gesturing to the couple. 

 

“Apparently,” Seth mutters back. Finn’s ever present glow of a smile is doing some kind of a dumb on him, because Christ, he feels mellow, even in the eyes of Hunter. 

 

Finn raises his voice to normal speaking levels and stands, indicating taking his leave. “If you keep listening to stuff like that, I might have to take your headphone more often.”

 

“I just can’t keep you away, can I?” Seth wishes he sounded aloof, but to his own ears he sounds kind of pathetic.

 

“Nah, you’re marked by me now, man,” Finn says brightly, waves his hand in goodbye and nods at Hunter as he passes.

 

Seth pauses his music as the screen tells him he’s going to be driving to the hotel in a bad mood.

 

**⌖**

 

A week later, Seth is reduced to a talking role, which is better than nothing, just God, he just wishes he’d be told that he’s useless. Of course he’d tweaked his knee last week, and of  _ course  _ that was so worrying that he had to be pulled from matches for… However long Hunter deemed worthy.

 

The one bright side to his speaking role was it involves speaking with Finn, and since their brief talk in the locker room, the Irish fuck has been on Seth’s mind pretty much all the time. It’s been a pretty shitful week, considering he’s back on physiotherapeutic knee exercises, and his brain has been a gigantic fucking mess, but he’s found an odd solace in the thoughts of Finn, especially in their time in the training centre during rehab.

 

He’s still trying to beat the guilt too. That really just doesn’t go away overnight, especially when it comes to Seth.

 

Regardless of his thoughts and his guilt, he is glad to relive some of their rivalry from 2016, even though all the fire from it had all but burnt out at this point. Seth is less of an asshole, at least a little bit, and Finn is… Well, whatever the hell words you could use to describe Finn, the enigma that the guy is. 

 

That  _ is  _ the only bright side, though.

 

Seth is backstage, sitting on a tech trolley outside of guerilla, waiting for his segment. He really just wanted to be alone right now, so that’s why he had changed into one of his shirts and placed himself away from the hustle and bustle of the locker room and catering area. Of course, he’s by guerilla instead of the backstage set, but… It was quieter here than the rest of the building, all told.

 

He wishes he had his phone on him, though. The tinny ambience from the show behind the walls to the sound of crew footsteps along the concrete path were kind of draining, and something actually melodic would be extremely helpful right now. Seth finds his music calming, despite the claims from the people around him, and he really needs to be calm right now.

 

“There he is, my angel of darkness,” 

 

Seth almost jumps eight feet in the air at the voice, and he feels like his heart has a new home inside of his windpipe. “Jesus  _ fucking  _ Christ, Finn! How the fuck did you sneak up on me?”

 

“You phased out, man. You wouldn’t have known if a damn truck was about to hit ya’,” Finn snorts, crossing his arms. He looks amused, and Seth finds himself reacting to it almost immediately. “You ready for tonight?”

 

“Yeah, I’m ready to talk and then not be seen again for like, seven days,” Seth scrubs at his face, trying to calm his racing heart. Finn makes a noise, something kind of indescribable, and he kneels in front of Seth.

 

“Hey, look man,” he says softly. “Your knee being hurt right now is bad luck, injuries always are here, you know that.”

 

“My works all I got at this point,” Seth responds, trying not to take all of his weird emotional turmoil from the last week out on Finn. “Without it, I’m nothing. And a knee is pretty crucial to what we do.”

 

“So is a shoulder,” Finn points out, and yeah, that shuts Seth up real quick, like Finn had just punched him in the jaw instead. Finn sits next to Seth on the trolley, and there is silence for a moment, before Finn changes the subject. “Want a headphone?”   
  


He’s pulled out his own phone now, and Seth feels kind of relieved at the gesture, and he goes to take the headphone before hesitating.

 

“Aren’t we on soon?”

 

“No harm in some music, right?” Finn pushes the headphone into Seth’s hand, forcing a contact that Seth really hasn’t felt outside of the ring in, what, years? Hell, he’s a fucking disaster. 

 

“I don’t have an argument, man,” Seth says, putting the headphone in his ear. What he’s met with is some kind of rap music that almost makes him want to listen to the annoying arena ambience again. So he grimaces. “God,  _ really _ ?”

 

“In my defense,” Finn says, his voice back to that bright tone again. “You listen to stuff I would not  _ touch _ . So let me have my genre, and I’ll let you have yours.”

 

Seth half chuckles, and just closes his eyes as Finn changes the song. It’s something a lot more mellow this time, something Seth can stomach. He’s not really all for anything that doesn’t make any sixteen year old punk want to cry and write bad poetry, but granted he was that sixteen year old. 

 

Okay, he’s also that thirty-one year old, minus the fucking poetry. He burnt that bridge when he burnt the notebooks. 

 

But despite that, he is finding out he enjoys this sort of slower type of rock, or pop punk, or whatever. It’s soothing as his heavy metal is energising. And he’s soothed even more so, because even though there is room for two people to sit comfortably on the trolley, Finn’s arm is resting against Seth’s own, and a warm heat, warmer than Seth’s really noticed before, is radiating off him. 

“Who are these guys?” Seth asks, daring not to raise his voice for some reason. He feels soft, calmer. Less disappointed and much, much less bad in the head. He can feel Finn’s fingers against his thigh.

 

“They’re a band I picked up on when I was back home after… You know,” Finn shrugs, like it barely matters. Maybe it doesn’t to him. “They’re fairly popular in the UK, getting more popular here.”

 

‘ _ I think I’d rather be, anyone else but me. _ ’

 

_ Yeah, me too, pop punk man.  _ Seth thinks, wanting to laugh at, again, how the music seemed to just be far too fitting for his current situation.

 

“Rollins? They’re ready for--” a new voice joins the fray, and it’s one of the backstage guys popping his head from outside guerilla, having seen Seth there earlier. He sees Finn, and seems to be in a mix of shock of seeing Finn there too, and relief, because that means no one has to track Finn down incase he missed his notification. “They’re ready for y’all now.”

 

“Oh, now? Thanks, man,” Finn responds to him, and turns off the song. He turns to Seth, and there is the million dollar smile again. “You ready, then?”

 

“As ever,” Seth drones, though it isn’t as flat as he’d of thought it would’ve been, had this question been asked five minutes ago. 

 

They stand, and head for the set, walking close enough together that Seth can still feel that heat.

 

“We should get coffee again sometime,” Finn says as the set comes to view, seemingly out of nowhere, and Seth is kind of shocked.

 

“I…”

 

“I mean, it was nice to back in rehab. I think I need a bit of normalcy again,” Finn runs a hand through his hair, then restyles it without a mirror. Seth does laugh at that.

 

“You won’t find normal here,” he says, but he does smile. “Sure. Coffee sounds good.”

 

Finn beams at him, and as they’re getting ready to start their segment, as Seth looks at Finn, who is listening to one of the producers very thoughtfully, he hears in his head a voice that isn’t the little goblin of self hatred he is so accustomed to.

 

_ You best be safe now, Kingslayer. You should know not to play with fire. _

 

⌖

 

_ “I don’t see you with many friends,” _

 

_ “Could say the same for you.” _

 

_ “I don’t need you to see my friends, just know that they don’t like you.” _

 

⌖

 

Coffee dates aren’t as awkward with Finn after a month of continuous ones. They are actually quite enjoyable, and Finn is a firecracker of positive emotions. He’s become somewhat of a good influence now, making Seth wants to stop throwing himself one hundred and fifty percent into his work, limiting it to one hundred and ten. To avoid injury. 

 

To avoid disappointing everyone.

 

Finn makes Seth feel in a way he hasn’t really felt in a fair few years. Seeing texts from him makes his heart grow in size, and hearing his weird, ridiculous insults in his  _ very  _ thick accent make him laugh harder than he ever remembers doing.

 

Finn could possibly be the bestest friend he’s had in years, and for once that isn’t an absolutely terrifying thought.

 

Right now, they’re sitting across from each other in one of the coffee shops that Seth sourced in the area. Seth isn’t feeling too great, and Finn is a little flatter than usual, but there is still… Something about them being together that feels… Right.

 

“I want to have a match,” Finn says, stirring his coffee absentmindedly. “With you.”

 

“We’ve had that. I hurt you,” Seth responds immediately, the horrible little gremlin in his mind popping up to remind him of his guilt, of his crime. “I’m dangerous, remember?”

 

“Uh huh, and I’m the fuckin’ Queen of England,” Finn’s voice is dry, but he has a slight smirk. “You and I both know that that ‘dangerous’ stuff is bullshit.”

 

Seth appreciates the attempt at comfort, but the risk would be too great. “You could work with far better people anyway, man, someone good for you where you’re at right now.”

 

“Yeah, I’m looking at him right now,” Finn takes a sip of his coffee. “You can’t change my mind. I want to work with you again. I want more than what we got the last time.”

 

Seth stares at him, that gremlin in his head going silent at Finn’s insistence. Finn doesn’t think he’s dangerous.  _ Finn _ , the guy Seth almost ruined,  _ doesn’t  _ find him dangerous.

 

“Why me?” Seth finds himself asking. They had their one feud, and while Seth was proud of his achievements within the company, he wasn’t really anything to write home about.

 

“You bring out something in me I have never really experienced,” Finn’s eyes are twinkling, though he seems like he is listening to a separate conversation completely. “I feel completed with you, if I’m honest, man.”

 

Oh. Seth’s heart gone and done that grow in size and clog his windpipe thing again. He has to look away from Finn, and he sips his coffee. There is something happening here, and Seth is sure it’s not just the idea of them having a match again, at least not entirely.

 

“You’re too damn good to try not to be better than,” Seth mumbles, and Finn finally laughs at the near backhanded compliment. The sound is musical, and for the rest of their coffee date, Seth feels like the sun is shining for him specifically.

 

“So you’re on board then?” 

 

Seth looks up into those earnest eyes, the ones belonging to this damn near angel of a man that trusts Seth so wholly, and Seth feels utterly powerless to the thrall. 

 

He gives in.

 

He falls.

 

“Yeah, I’m on board, baby!” His voice is filled with enthusiasm, an enthusiasm that comes from seemingly nowhere. 

 

Finn beams.

 

⌖

 

They’re going to get what they want. Finn gets them what they need.

 

⌖

 

Seth doesn’t care that the song is loud, and he doesn’t care that it is angry, that  _ he  _ is angry. 

 

They want to wait nearly six  _ fucking  _ months to pull the trigger on anything. There is something else in mind for them both, Seth is  _ too much of a risk _ .

 

He elbows the punching bag that did nothing to him with such force, had it been those goddamn higher ups, their jaw would have broken. 

 

_ Burn them all down, all to the goddamn  _ fucking  _ ground. _

 

His knee is kind of sore, and all that is doing is spurring on his anger. He was ready, fucking dammit. Fuck the fact he’d been nervous, he was sold on it, he was  _ excited _ , but no, they have ‘different paths’.

 

Seth knees the bag this time.

 

Oh, he is absolutely being a selfish brat, but Hunter thinks the path he is on is what’s best, despite that fact Seth hasn’t truly felt alive and passionate since August two years ago. Since the goddamn golden boy battled the black prince.

 

It didn’t matter who was who in that equation, the statement remains the same. He doesn’t have passion.

 

This time, he punches the bag. He’s not wearing gloves, so pain flares through his wrist.

 

The music gets louder and angrier as he swears. Christ alive, he could cry, that’s how damn frustrating this is.

 

Why doesn’t Hunter  _ see _ ? Why don’t any of them see? 

 

He’s cursed, cursed and being punished for thinking that something would make him happy, that something would come along and break the curse. But no, here he is, cursed to be unhappy, and he hates it.

 

He hates himself. He hits the bag again for good measure.

 

Someone turns off his music, because, okay he had been blasting it in a public gym, but he is ready to turn this anger onto whoever decided it was okay to turn off his anger his music. 

 

Seth spins around and is met by Finn, who is leaning against the wall near the door, his arms crossed. He looks tired, skin paler than normal. 

 

The fight leaves Seth like he was a balloon being popped.

 

“Hey, cowboy,” Finn says softly. “You might need to turn it up a bit more if you want to bring the building down around us.”

 

Seth rubs the back of his neck and half laughs. It’s a dry noise, but it’s a laugh. “That loud, huh?”

 

“Just angry,” Finn pushes himself off the wall and they both sit on one of the benches in the room provided. “You not dealing with it well either?”

 

“It’s bullshit, but ‘it’s business’,” Seth says in his best Hunter impression, and that gets a soft, tired chuckle from Finn. “Sorry about the choice of music. Know it’s not exactly everyone else’s thing.”

 

“Let’s listen to something… Less angry,” Finn touches his knee, then his shoulder, and Seth is shocked almost solid. Finn stands and grabs Seth’s phone, and just goes through his Spotify until he settles on something that he likes.

 

Not less loud than the music beforehand, but definitely less angry. Finn comes back over and smiles a wry smile.

 

“Not what I was expecting,” he comments, though he is already tapping his fingers along to the beat. “‘Something Wonderful’ doesn’t exactly give me the impression of, well… This.”

 

Seth smiles back at him. “You know me, I couldn’t possibly listen to anything without some sort of punk in my pop punk.”

 

“Go back to 2008,” Finn responds with an elbow to Seth’s ribs, and for a moment that sunlight is back as they both chuckle softly. But only for a moment.

 

‘ _ We look good together, always down whenever. _ ’

 

“You look like how I feel, man, you feelin’ okay?” Seth asks, and Finn sighs as he rubs his face.

 

‘ _ Let’s take a shot at something wonderful. _ ’

 

“You ever feel like someone is telling you things in your own head?” Finn’s voice is filled with some kind of emotion that Seth can’t place. “Or controlling your body and your words?”

 

“Sometimes?” Seth replies, thinking of the angry gremlin that calls him home. Finn smiles again, though it’s far sadder.

 

“I’m not who you think I am, Seth,” Finn says softly, looking, if possible, even more tired than what he did when he walked into the room. “In fact, I’m not who I think I am. There is so many different things inside of me, I can’t tell which one is doing the which thing.”

 

Seth stares at him, not at all trying to feign understanding. Finn isn’t even looking at him anyway, but Seth is just confused.

 

“Everything I’ve done, the championship, the comeback tour… It feels like I was a puppet being controlled by something else. I feel like I’m lying when I say  _ I’ve  _ accomplished these things.”

 

They’ve known each other for two years, and these consistent… Hang outs? Have been going on for two months. And not once in all of that time has Seth ever thought that Finn was lying about his achievements.

 

“But… You won the championship. I was there, I took the pin,” Seth points out. “I’ve been watching your damn comeback tour, dude. How could it not be you?”

 

Finn is shaking his head before Seth even finishes his sentence. “You don’t understand. I  _ shouldn't  _ have been able to finish that match. I  _ shouldn’t _ have had that championship or any of the success I have had. Everything we both think I am… I’m not.”

 

Seth has to blink a few times before he can manage to respond again. “Is this… Part of why we’re not getting our match?”

 

That makes Finn change his tune. “Oh fuck no. We’re getting that match. I’ll do whatever I can to give us at least that.”

 

“Then what was all that shit, man?” Seth can’t help but exclaiming. Finn finally turns to him, and Seth would think he was dreaming if it weren’t for the wild ride his emotions were on, but Finn’s normally bright blue eyes are stained black.

 

They clear after a moment, but Seth is more than shocked into silence. Finn shakes his head again, and doesn’t answer Seth’s question.

 

“We need that match.  _ I  _ need  _ you _ .”

 

Seth just nods, his mouth working but no sound coming out. Finn leans over and touches his knee again, and every nerve around that area is immediately aflame. 

 

“I’ll sort it, don’t worry about me,” Finn then shoots him that boyish grin, full of light and life and Seth feels like a blind man seeing for the first time. His heart starts to race. “Spar with me instead.”

 

And Seth, sans a screaming gremlin, does so, falling further and further than he ever has before.

 

⌖

 

_ “You’re not going to stop ‘til we say yes, are you?” _

 

_ “We need this, you know we do. Please.” _

 

_ “Fine. One, and if it goes well, we’ll think of something. Don’t let me down this time.” _

 

⌖

  
  


“...Seth Rollins!” 

 

The roar of the crowd makes the smile Seth is trying to hide break free. He’s usually not this bad at losing composure, but holy _shit_ , today is not usual. 

 

Finn is beaming at him from the ring, his smile not at all one of the painted ones from weeks past. This is bright and genuine, a smile Seth has grown to know very well over the last few weeks. He is even slightly bobbing his head to Seth’s music, which makes him seem even more boyish. 

 

They’re getting what they want. They’re going to show everyone what they can do properly this time. 

 

Seth approaches the ring, the water from his hair rolling down his face and neck, tracking a slow line down his back. Finn looks put together, perfect, as he slowly starts removing his signature leather jacket. 

 

Seth hops into the ring, the heat of the lights pumping heat down onto him as he removes his shirt, his eyes never leaving Finn. Finn is pacing in a small circle, like a caged animal ready to be let loose, his eyes equally fixated on Seth, tracking every movement that he is making. Seth’s enthusiasm and adrenaline hike up to critical levels. 

 

Finn winks. “You ready to be destroyed, fire boy?” he whispers, as they pace around each other. Seth grins, raising his hand. Finn mirrors him as the bell rings vaguely in the background.

 

“You’re on, babe,” Seth says lowly, and Finn’s Cheshire grin is enough to make Seth want to bend over backwards to give him a good show.

 

They join hands, and then they grapple. Seth can hear Finn’s breathing and he tucks his head beneath Seth’s hair.

 

“I’ve got so much more to give you this time,” Finn’s voice is low, and Seth suppresses a shiver. “You won’t even know what hit you.”

 

“Some Irish dick hit me,” Seth teases, and Finn’s light chuckle is all he needs. They fall into fight almost like it was scripted for them, made from instinct. Slingblades come out, at first a tease and then as a legitimate offense. Neither of them stop smiling the whole time.

 

After Finn dropkicks Seth into the corner of the ring, all of Seth’s fight fades and he falls to his knees, then to his back, panting. It’s over from here, he knows it well. The crowd is growing louder as Finn climbs to the top rope, and Seth has barely any time to protect himself from nearly one hundred and ninety pounds of Irish falling on his chest feet first. 

 

So he rolls out of the way, and he hears Finn’s soft laugh of appreciation. Seth eventually gets to his feet, and though it is a little shaky, his knee is completely pain free.

 

“Not this time,” Seth says, shaking his head. The last time he’d dealt with that, Finn had won a championship on one arm. And Seth cannot think about that now. Last time he did… Last…

 

_ No _ .

 

“Try me,” Finn’s voice is still soft and still full of laughter. He looks bright and alive, and Seth, like a moth to flame, is drawn to him. Finn puts him into a chokehold, but it barely lasts as Seth worms his way out and all but throws Finn into the ropes.

 

As Finn starts to struggle to his feet, all of Seth’s instincts scream at him. He runs, he leaps slightly and he brings his foot down, bringing Finn’s head to the mat.

 

That’s when the pain starts, like someone struck a match and pressed it to his knee. Almost blind, adrenaline pushing him on and on through the pain, he collapses down, and rolls Finn onto his back. They’re both panting, and Seth lifts Finn’s leg, pinning his shoulders down. 

 

One.

 

Two.

 

_ Three _ .

 

As the bell is sounded, that out of body voice floods his head, talking alongside the referee. That referee helps Seth to his feet, and Finn is starting to struggling to his own. 

 

_ You fought very close to the sun, Kingslayer. I warned you about playing with fire.  _

 

Seth looks around, trying to find the source, and his eyes fall on Finn again. Finn’s eyes flicker up to meet his, and Seth expects to see anger, disappointment. But he sees pride. A whole fucking lot of pride, and… Something more than that. 

 

Seth has to stumble backstage, trying to keep his limp to a minimum and all his happiness begins to drain to nothing. 

 

He beat Finn this time, he did that, but it’s  _ how _ . He hasn’t pulled that move in years, and he won with it. He vaguely hears himself being congratulated in guerilla, but he feels disconnected, like he’s floating above everything. He doesn’t feel like his brain is within his body and someone has turned him into a robot to control him on and on.

 

He sinks into a bench, a move he does almost every week at this point. He can barely even grab his phone before Finn comes into the room. The locker room is thankfully quiet, and Seth feels dread and… 

 

“That’s what we needed,” Finn breathes. The side of his head is slightly red from where it impacted, but other than that, he looks unhurt. “Holy shit, Seth, where did all of that come from?”

 

“Finn, you don’t have to pretend that you’re happy for me,” Seth looks away from him, pain in his knee and in his head pushing the words from him. “I shouldn’t have done that to you.”

 

Finn all but throws himself onto the bench. “Right, we’re not going there now. I trust you, Seth. Did I ever expect the stomp again? Absolutely not, but it doesn’t make me trust you less,” he says, and he actually  _ grabs _ Seth’s hand. “Didn’t you feel it? We burnt all their fuckin’ doubts down.”

 

Seth draws his eyes over to where Finn is holding his hand, and yet again, his heart betrays him. It races, pressing into his throat and making him feel slightly lightheaded. 

 

“I could have hurt you.”

 

“But you didn’t,” Finn says, and he uses his spare hand to turn Seth’s head towards him. They lock gazes. “You didn’t hurt me, and Seth? I’m not going to let it happen again, man. We were both at fault in August, and I’ve come back better than ever.”

 

Seth’s tongue darts out to wet his lips, and suddenly he is… Nervous. “If I betray you, I don’t know if I can live with that type of guilt. I’m just… Some selfish son of a bitch.”

 

Finn’s fingers, where they hold Seth’s hand, tighten. Seth goes to talk again, but Finn stops him by pressing their lips together. Hard.

 

It takes a moment for Seth to realise what is happening, but when he does, his whole body is near on erupting. He reciprocates the kiss, pulling a small noise out of Finn that might have killed Seth had he not been sitting. Their fingers interlock, and Finn’s hand slips from Seth’s jaw to his hair. His hair is drying, becoming frizzy and fluffy, and it’s clear that Finn doesn’t care. He tightens his fingers in Seth’s hair and the kiss becomes more a clash, an awkward dance of two men trying to work each other out.

 

It’s been… Years since Seth was last kissed like this. He’s no stranger to men kissing him, he is probably the most well known bisexual disaster within this company. But his last meaningful kiss was three years ago, and it has been practically an age since Seth had experienced something so fevered, so full of want.

 

And he wants Finn very much.

 

Finn is the one to pull back with a slight pant, his lips damp and both cheeks stained red. Seth has no doubt in his mind that he probably looks a similar way, though where Finn’s fingers had just been probably looked far more wild than the other side.

 

“Get us out of here, Seth,” Finn breathes, and despite all the pain in his knee, Seth jumps to the beg and command of his sunshine incarnate. The world is fuzzy around the edges, Seth feels like he’s blacking out with arousal. Finn stands and wraps his arms around Seth’s waist as he busies himself with his bag. “Take me somewhere nice.”

 

“I would if you didn’t hold me, man,” Seth’s voice is thick, and Finn just laughs his soft laugh again.

  
“Do I need to take you down a peg or two, cowboy?” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to Seth’s shoulder as he battles to get on a shirt. “I still have to destroy you…”

 

His voice drops off with such a suggestive tone that Seth wants to nosedive into the awkward and complicated feelings he’s had about Finn for all these months, the ones he isn’t willing to admit have been milling about since August. He just wants to swim in the sea that is his goddamn nonsense of emotion. 

 

Seth eventually gets his shirt on, and as he spins, one of his many bags in hand, Finn collides with him again, their next kiss even messier than the last. Seth drops everything in hand without hesitation to grab and hold Finn close, cradling his waist in his hands as if he is the most delicate porcelain figurine and Seth could shatter him. 

 

He refuses to think about when he did shatter Finn. That will not ruin this moment. 

 

Finn starts to bend Seth down, causing Seth’s hands to start slipping downward. Finn grins against Seth’s lips, and as he begins to press their bodies even closer together, they hear voices coming into the locker room. 

 

Instead of springing apart like children caught with their hands in the cookie jar, Finn steps back and picks up Seth’s bag. The breaking of the kiss did nothing to break the spell on Seth, and he grabs his other bags and follows along behind Finn, barely feeling his knee make a complaint. 

 

They walk past their coworkers like they weren’t just making out in a common area of their workplace arena. They pile all their bags in the back of Seth’s car that he had driven in, and then pile in themselves. They don’t immediately start kissing like touch-crazed teenagers, but Finn does trail his fingers along Seth’s thigh as a long and slow tease.

 

The song that plays when Seth’s phone connects to the radio is slow and sensual, and Finn smiles a new smile that Seth has now been gifted. It’s a slow one, sexy. It’s almost a distraction marrying all the others within the small confines of the car.

 

“Come on, Rollins...” Finn murmurs, voice like honey. “We have unfinished business…”

 

“You’ll kill me,” Seth gets out, trying to focus on everything but how close Finn’s hand is to his goddamn lap. “Finn Bálor, you are going to fucking kill me.”

 

“I’d much rather have you alive and at my mercy,” Finn is all but purring, his Irish accent thick and dripping with seduction. “I need to show you how good I thought you did tonight.”

 

Seth definitely goes over the speed limit at that comment.

 

⌖

 

_ “Whatever you are doing, don’t stop… Don’t you dare stop doing that.” _

 

_ “Christ, Finn, I’m--” _

 

_ “Fuck, Seth, fuck…” _

 

_ “I’m close, I’m-- Shit-- Don’t stop.” _

 

⌖

 

It becomes almost as weekly as their coffee dates, give or take. They meet up for coffee, go to the gym, and end up falling into a hotel bed, sometimes they only make it as far as the car on a very secluded road. But it all continues. The matches, the sex, the coffee, all of it.

 

But they don’t really talk about it. It just kind of keeps happening, and they don’t talk about it. It’s kind of a habit of theirs.

 

Seth is also actively refusing to acknowledge any of the feelings within him that just keep on building and building up. 

 

He and Finn have been fighting on and off now for a few weeks, clearly having impressed all of their higher ups, Hunter included. Every time Finn touches Seth now, a wildfire burns across his skin, leaving trails of memories from how Finn had already touched him there just a few hours beforehand, and how then it had been needy, or begging, or commanding. 

 

It’s distracting, but Seth is glad that it is. But he won’t acknowledge what it is doing to his poor heart. It is clear that things are definitely changing between them, that something is blossoming, and in a way, that frightens Seth greatly.

 

So he ignores the feelings, and lets it happen. 

 

He’s walking to Finn’s room right now, after having received a text with an ask for company. Seth thinks he has a clear idea of what it means, company is code, and he is almost addicted to Finn at this point.

 

Of course, that is giving his ugly little gremlin a field day with how wrong it could all go, which is yet another reason Seth is choosing to ignore what is happening in his heart. He hopes to shut the evil little shit up during this tryst with Finn.

 

He knocks on the room door, and it takes a moment for Finn to open the door. He has a scarf on, and the leather has been replaced for an expensive looking wool. He smiles at Seth as he leans against the doorframe.

 

“Hey man,” he says, and Seth could have yawned at how tired Finn sounds. After the heavenly light that only Seth could see had cleared from his eyes, he could see that Finn… Kind of looked like shit. He had dark circles beneath his eyes, and he looked paler than usual, like he was really sick. Worry spears Seth’s heart almost immediately. “Thanks for comin’ by.”

 

“You alright?” Seth asks, surprised that his voice doesn’t sound like that of some upset child. Despite the image he is giving off, Finn’s smile is a thousand watts. 

 

“Yeah, yeah! I was just wondering if you wanted to go for a walk,” Finn responds. “I need to get some fresh air… Plus, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

 

The worry was suckerpunched out of the way by fear. Oh, talking is never good. “Oh, sure. Yeah, that… Yep. Yes.”

 

Finn laughs, completely unaware that Seth is breaking down deep inside of himself. He looks up at Seth, and with movements as quick as a cat, he snatches Seth’s beanie right off of his head and shoves it onto his own.

That stalls the fear for a short moment as Seth stares at Finn with an incredulous look on his face. “What the fuck?”

 

Finn twists away from him and ducks into the room, and comes back with his room key and phone in hand. He dodges Seth’s grabbing hands and offers his explanation. 

 

“You have hair to cover your ears, I’m not so lucky!” he says with a laugh, walking off and obviously expecting Seth to follow. Which he does. “You’ll be fine, you big baby!”

 

“That is  _ my _ beanie, though,” Seth points out, and Finn laughs-- Well, more like giggles-- as he walks away. 

 

“Who says I don’t look better in your stuff?” Finn buries his head further into the beanie to emphasise his point. “We’ll just get your arse back to your room so you can get a warmer jumper on, and you can grab another beanie from your countless identicals.”

 

“I only have the one!” Seth snaps back at him, though there is absolutely no malice in it. Regardless, Finn flips him off without looking back, but Seth can tell he is smiling. It’s in this moment that the fear takes him again.

 

Finn wants to talk. He wants to  _ talk _ . What if he wants to talk about the sex, ha. Ha. What if he wants to  _ stop  _ the sex? Oh jeez, that’s really what Seth needs right now, right? To have his curse come back and bite him in the ass? Remind him that him being happy is against some untold law, and now he had to be dragged right into the depths of sadness itself for punishment?

 

He might just lose the only good thing he’s got because of his own selfishness. That’s just a peachy thought, it really is. 

 

They wander to Seth’s room, where he grabs a scarf and tries to not think about what this walk will entail. He grabs his headphones, because maybe there will be points where Finn won’t want to talk and where Seth’s heart may not potentially break (though there is absolutely no reason that it should break, because there is nothing but friendship between them, right?) and Seth can tune out the entire world.

 

Finn scoffs when he sees the headphones. “Well, you better be sharin’ that, Seth,” he teases. “You’re turning me into a sad emo dude.”

 

“My music isn’t that emo,” Seth is glad his voice sounds completely normal and not betraying of the fact that he wishes that the ground would swallow him and he wouldn’t have to face this oncoming conversation. “It’s just a little heavier than most modern stuff.”

 

“Most modern stuff doesn’t yell about self hatred in the way yours does, man,” Finn looks at him knowingly. Seth knows that Finn is making some sort of comment about Seth’s mental health, but that is a whole can of worms that Seth is not willing to open. In fact, he is more than content to put that can at the back of the shelves and ultimately forget about it. “So I’d say it’s pretty damn emo.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Seth plugs his headphones in, and hands the other to Finn. As they stand at the elevator, Seth realises that Finn’s tease may have been some form of an excuse to stand close to him as they walked, and again, the fear that was eating him up stops. It also makes him decide to put on a song that Finn couldn’t tease him for. 

 

“Oh, are you choosing this to prove me wrong?” Finn nudges Seth’s side, causing Seth to almost drop his phone. Finn bursts into a fit of high giggles, and then slips his arm around Seth’s waist. “Don’t you pout at me, Rollins, or I’ll make life very difficult for you.”

 

Seth ceases the pout, in part because he doesn’t want to know what horrors would lie in store for him later (because having some hot guy fuck you ‘til you forgot your own name is horrific now) and because he wants to lean into Finn’s side and have whoever sees them believe that they’re  _ something _ . 

 

It doesn’t matter if this is a hotel flooded with their coworkers, because Seth’s heart feels so full as Finn rubs his waist beneath his jacket. It doesn’t matter that Finn could be taking this time to tell Seth that they couldn’t sleep together anymore, because Seth couldn’t ever imagine a moment like this actually ending.

 

Though he does pull his arm away as the doors open to the hotel lobby and their walk begins, Finn stays very close by to Seth.

 

‘ _ You and I must fight for our rights.’ _

 

They walk in silence, hands brushing sometimes but neither pulling the trigger for taking the bait. The music fills their space, but it isn’t at all awkward. It’s almost like they’re both too shy to take the first step.

 

‘ _ You and I must fight to survive.’ _

 

The walk around the city is cold but pleasant. They’re recognised a couple of times, and that’s just in part of the job that they do. Seth doesn’t complain, he smiles and he listens. Finn smiles, he chats and he jokes. No one questions the headphones, and that leaves Seth with one less worry weighing in on his heart.

 

Eventually, they wander into a small park area. The air has warmed slightly as they’ve walked, so they sit down on one of the wooden benches on the park. Finn removes his headphone, and crosses his hands in his lap, and he looks ahead. Seth pauses the music, not before the next song is proven to be sadder than the last.

 

“So,” Seth begins, looking at Finn. All the smiles are gone again, and the exhaustion that radiates off of Finn hits Seth like a wave. Finn doesn’t look at him. “What’s goin’ on then, man?”

 

Finn is silent for a long time, long enough for Seth to think he’d not start talking. Then he sighs and starts wringing his hands. “Look, Seth, I… Don’t really trust people very easy,” he starts slowly, and Seth steels himself for the inevitable. “It’s probably as hard for me to do it as it is for you, and I’m no damn stranger to how hard it is for you.”

 

Seth laughs weakly at the humourless joke, trying not to suffocate on anxiety. “Like taking a hammer to a concrete wall.”

 

That gets a small ‘heh’ from Finn, but not much else until he starts speaking again. “I’m not who you think I am,” he says, repeating what he had all those weeks ago in the gym. “I’m… Well, Seth, technically I’m not even human.”

 

Okay. Not what Seth had been expecting. “What, you some kind of monkey in a meatsuit? Three kids stacked in a trenchcoat?”

 

“While I appreciate the jokes, I…” Finn stops speaking again, and then shudders as if someone had whispered in his ear. “I’m trying to let down a wall, and I need you to trust me.”

 

“I do,” Seth says automatically, and saying it is like it shocked them both. That is what makes Finn turn to Seth, his eyes wide. “I do trust you, Finn. With my life, man.”

 

“Thanks…” Finn’s voice is soft, and Seth initiates a touch for once. He leans over and lays his hands on top of Finn’s, which stops them from wringing in his lap. Finn takes a deep breath. “What I’m about to tell you… Not really anyone knows, okay? And it’s… Hard to let many people in, especially someone I--” He cuts himself short there, leaving Seth confused. “You won’t say a thing, will you?”

 

“I’d die first.”

 

Finn nods short, and looks away from Seth again. A tense moment passes, before he shakily confesses to Seth, “I’m the host to a demon. I’m possessed.”

 

Seth doesn’t say anything for a while, running the words over in his mind. Maybe the cold is getting to him, because he couldn’t have heard that right. He tightens his hands where they lie on top of Finn’s, and then he releases. 

“Possessed?”

 

Finn darts his tongue across his lips, and then he looks away again. “Since I can remember, pretty much. Had an imaginary friend when I was little, and then they were in my head,” he laughs dryly before continuing. “It sounds like bullshit, but… I know you’ve already met them.”

 

_ Oh, I’m real, yes I am, Kingslayer. Don’t try to tell my own that he lies. _

 

“My last name isn’t Bálor,” Finn continues as if that voice hadn’t spoken at all. Maybe it didn’t. “That’s his name. Bálor, the demon king of the Fomorians. No one has really noticed, but most Americans know very little about Irish mythos.”

 

“You’re possessed by a demon king,” Seth repeats dumbly, as if Finn is speaking in a foreign tongue. He can barely believe the words coming out of his mouth, even though to him, all the puzzle pieces are coming together to give him the true picture.

 

“They’re the only reason I’ve gotten here… Without them, I’m pretty much nothing. I swear, most of my personality is just Bálor’s,” Finn is still talking, clearly getting a lot off of his chest, and he sounds pretty wrecked too. “and I’m telling you all this now because I don’t want to fuck this up, Seth. You have to know me, ‘cause I… I just like you, man. And I don’t want this shithead to ruin a good thing without you knowing why.”

 

Seth blinks rapidly, suddenly feeling like someone splashed him with freezing water. He takes a deep breath, and next to him he feels Finn go stiff. The evil gremlin in his head is quiet, offering no advice, shockingly.

 

“Okay, so… A demon, a legitimate demon,” Seth says slowly, feeling Finn only stiffen further. “How do I know when it’s the demon and when it’s… You?”

 

“Uh,” Finn shakes himself, making it clear that wasn’t what he was expecting. “My eyes go black, and if they try to speak through me, they can only speak Irish, so.”

 

“Right, ancient and edgy,” Seth murmurs, and that gets a small, shocked laugh from Finn. “They could give me a run for my emo money, if you’re to be believed.”

 

“You’re not running,” Finn points out, and Seth shrugs. 

 

“At this point, I’m far too attached to you to leave, man,” he responds. He barely even lets himself think on what he just said, as Finn melts next to him. “Yeah, it’s fucking weird, but you’re still my damn Finn, you know? I’ve known you like this, it’s how I’ll always know you.”

 

“Man, you are… Quite possibly the only person who has been this accepting,” Finn relaxes his hands and interlocks his fingers with Seth’s, flaring his skin again. 

“Though, they’re one talkative son of a bitch,” Seth comments lightly, and Finn laughs and leans his head on Seth’s shoulder.

 

“Then you two will get along just fine, hm?”

 

⌖

 

Finn doesn’t sleep next to him that night, as per their normal arrangement. They fall into a bed, and after a few hours of lying in silence, only touching, the other will leave and they will sleep alone. It’s just how they do it, and while Seth is slowly but surely beginning to wish that it wasn’t the case of the matter, he doesn’t want to push it. The confession from Finn took a lot out of him, and he explained to Seth that the tiredness was the effect of Bálor ‘fronting’, as Finn called it.

 

So that, whatever it was, clearly happened a lot. 

 

Seth is back in the hole he usually sinks to this late at night. His music is on quietly, filling the din of the room, though he is barely concentrating on it himself. He can’t really focus on anything, barely even the patterns he’s finding on the ceiling. No matter what he does, what he thinks of, it just makes him feel sad and exhausted. Jesus, even just lying down in the bed is exhausting.

 

He can’t stop thinking about Finn, and it’s a place he finds himself in a lot. He thinks of something small that reminds him of Finn, and he ends up spiralling into a mixture of sad and happy thoughts about him. He wishes they were always happy, but that can never seem to be the case with Seth.

 

Not to sound like a MySpace teen, but happiness is futile in this goddamn bitch of a world.

 

‘ _ You take the sweetest thing and claim it as your own.’  _

 

Seth knows deep down that he’s going to ruin this thing with Finn, like he’s ruined everything else with everyone else. There is a goddamn reason that Hunter and Stephanie dropped him like a sack of rotten potatoes, even after everything that he did for them, even after what they did to him…

 

He’ll ruin this, like he always does. He’s cursed, he’s just cursed to be this sad, broken mess of a man. He doesn’t really know how long he’s been like this, but he only really noticed it after August, after his first true run in with that little whisper of ‘kingslayer’, one he now guesses to be Bálor. 

 

And if the timing is right, maybe Bálor is to blame for this darkness and despair bullshit Seth deals with day in and day out. 

 

‘ _ I’m not made by design. _ ’

 

It’s not a nice thought to be having, that his… Whatever Finn is, fuck buddy? His fuck buddy might have a part in why Seth feels like garbage all the damn time, why doing literally nothing makes him feel exhausted, why he has no real drive and enjoyment for his work anymore, despite that being all he is and has.

 

He really doesn’t want to be thinking about it, yet here he is making himself even sadder by doing so. 

 

Seth rolls over onto his side and sighs softly, hoping it releases some of that negative gross shit out of him. All it does is just make him want to sleep, so in a very Seth fashion, he in fact forces himself to sleep to escape the shitty thoughts in his head, using the music to lull him.

 

Though, those thoughts seem to follow him into sleep. It isn’t long until that voice now accompanied by a name meets him in his head.

 

_ He’s mine, you know.  _ Their voice comes from nowhere, but Seth knows they’re there. He can feel the presence like a blanket of heat.

 

‘So I’ve heard,’ Seth responds sarcastically. ‘May I sleep, please? I’m really not in the mood for this.’

 

_ But you do sleep, Kingslayer.  _ Their voice is soft, though they clearly find something very amusing.  _ It seems I can only have a conversation with you if my own rests as you do. _

 

‘Why do you even want to talk to me?’ Seth knows he’s going to lash out eventually, and that just won’t be pleasant at the god awful hour it is. ‘You seem to do a damn lot of talking.’

 

_ I just wanted to touch base with you about an understanding I wish to make _ . Their tone of voice gives Seth the impression that it is idly examining their nails.  _ That Finn has been mine, I protect him with everything that I am, and you have already hurt him once.  _

 

Seth freezes, dread and guilt like the goddamn knives of Caesar. ‘That was a mistake, and you know it. I never meant to do that.’

 

_ No? But they don’t call you a Kingslayer for nothing, and here you are, injuring the vessel of a king. _

 

‘I didn’t know about you, I don’t even think I could fucking hurt a demon, holy shit!’ Seth feels like a child pleading with their father that they weren’t at fault, and had he been younger, he may have been in tears too. Instead, his heart is racing, and his palms start to become sweaty. 

 

_ I have no care that you and he have your… Fun. But you are playing with fire, and young boys who play with fire get their fingers burnt.  _ Bálor makes a noise that sounds like a sigh, before continuing.  _ He likes you, and I worry for him. _

 

‘Right, ‘cause he’s friends with danger incarnate, yeah?’ Seth spits, and when Bálor laughs, it’s like the sound is coming from every direction. 

 

_ Oh, Kingslayer, you may not be good for me, but you might be good for him.  _

 

‘What the fuck are you on about?’ Seth wants to scream, and he wants to run as far away from him as possible. Bálor tuts.

 

_ You clearly do not have the mind for understanding, do you? If I had my way, Finn would be back in Ireland, yet he is here for no other reason than to be around yourself. You should be happy. _

 

Anger spikes in Seth then, spurred on by his confusion and fear. ‘God, was it you? Fuckin’ hell, man, did you curse me for some form of fucked up revenge? Because you know what? You really didn’t fuckin’ need to! I was a sad sack of shit before him and I made the worst mistake of my life, and I have felt so fuckin’ guilty for two damn years that I’ve worn it on me like a scar!’

 

Bálor is apparently stunned to silence, before it murmurs.  _ That is not of my doing. It is not a curse that I know.  _

 

Like Bálor’s words were a slap in the face, Seth wakes up, and his eyes immediately fall on the being on his ceiling, their skin with a leather like quality, stained black and red, hair long and hanging away from their face as they stare at Seth upside down from the ceiling. Seth all but throws himself to the wall as he jumps away, though he doesn’t take his eyes off of the demon as they stare.

 

“You were watching me sleep?” Seth says, and it’s like he lives in a Hollywood B-sitcom, or a pizzeria, due to how fucking cheesy his comment was in this situation. Bálor tilts their head, studying Seth through their own eyes.

 

_ Easiest way to not frighten you, I suppose. Not that I care about not doing so. _

 

“You’re an asshole, where’s Finn?”

 

_ In bed, asleep. He is my host, but I must come and go as I please. And I have chosen here, to see you as you, and not through a rose tinted lense. _

 

“Again, you’re an asshole,” Seth rubs his face and turns off his music blindly. Bálor is still watching him studiously, like he is a school project. “Can you go, please? I’d like to sleep and try not to think you’re fuckin’ lying about the curse thing.”

 

_ Kingslayer, I do not like you, but Finn and I have an agreement that I may not harm a human as I am within him. A curse is harm, and also not something I trifle with. Find someone else to blame for your darkness, especially not your source of sunlight. _

 

“How…” Seth’s heart turns to stone in his chest for a moment. “Okay, Finn isn’t-- He-- Shut up, alright?”

 

Bálor shakes their head and presses themselves into the corner.  _ Think on your… Curse more, Kingslayer. But blaming myself or my connection to Finn will not help you. And do not mention this to him. I may have an agreement, but what Finn does not know will not hurt him.  _

 

Logically, Seth should argue, but something about what Bálor is saying makes sense. So he nods. “Deal.”

 

⌖

 

It’s just a normal match again, as if the world is ignoring that there is nothing normal about their current situation. It’s just the two of them against the rest of the world, as it’s been for months on end. There is a demon involved, one that has been there since the very beginning, yet that changes absolutely nothing.

 

Normal match, normal night. Winner could have a chance at the title. The curse of the gold runs through them both. Neither of them see it coming.

 

Finn throws Seth into the ropes, which Seth ends up tangled in. He struggles against them, and Finn comes towards him at almost full speed, hoping to roll him over the top and onto the floor. Seth gets out just in time, though Finn does collide with his arm and he lands with all his weight on his knee. Pain flares through them both, but it isn’t blinding or enough for Seth to stop, so he stands. Finn looks at him, eyes dark and fixated, wanting him, wanting that title. Seth does the first thing that comes to mind, and he climbs to the top rope. The crowd around them yells their approval, and Finn’s slight smirk drives him on. 

 

He brings himself to his feet, balancing and ready to jump. And he would have, if Finn hadn’t of moved sharply to the side, very far out of the way so that a jump from this height would win Seth nothing. In his attempt to twist himself to hop down safely, his sore knee gives out and sends him down. Seth tries to land in a way that he might only end up with a sore wrist, nothing too bad, but he has twisted and he is going down feet first.

 

His knee twists, and the white hot fire splits his skin over. 

 

He doesn’t know what type of noise he makes, because it feels like someone shoved cotton in his ears. His eyes are filled with tears of pain, and of anguish. He knows he’s done. It doesn’t matter that it was the other knee, because he’s done.

 

He feels hands on his arm, and he realises that he is clutching at his knee as if he is trying to keep it connected to his body. He blinks, letting the tears slip down his cheeks and mix with the sweat. It’s the referee of their match in his ear, asking if he can go on. He looks up to the ring, seeing Finn staring at him with such a fear that Seth feels speared to the spot.

 

He shakes his head. He can’t. He’s done.

 

The bell is rung, and before Finn can be declared the winner, he is out of the ring and at Seth’s side. The crowd is rumbling with noises, but Seth can’t make anything out. Now that he’s let the tears start, they won’t stop. His whole leg is going numb with pain, his body going into shock.

 

“Come on, come on, babe,” Finn’s voice is in his ear, low and scared. “Come on, let’s get you back, alright? Lean on me babe, we’ll get you there.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Seth gasps out, though it’s probably more a sob. Finn and the referee are hoisting him to his feet as some of the companies medical personnel come to aid them. 

 

“Don’t,” Finn tells him softly, as the crowd around them begin to applaud the match, applaud the performance. “Don’t you dare apologise to me, Seth Rollins.”

 

Seth hangs his head as he is all but dragged backstage by five different men on one leg, his chest tight as he tries to keep from sobbing in front of thousands. Everything else went by in a pain-filled blur. His knee had swelled up immediately after the landing, so the doctors couldn’t actually work out what had happened, so ice was taped to him and he was told to wait. But Seth didn’t need to wait to know what had happened. He’d felt the pop, he’d felt it all. 

 

It was over. 

 

Throughout it all, though, Finn was there, a silent and solitary presence. Seth finds himself yet again guilt ridden, because after that night in August, he didn’t go see Finn. He stayed away, because it was his fault. Though, this wasn’t Finn’s fault, so he, of course, would stay.

 

Hunter comes in at one point. Seth looks at him, knowing that the cool glance they share at each other tells everything about their history. But it at least remains civil. Somewhat.

 

“Are you alright?” he asks, and Seth wants to slap him.

 

“Do I look alright?” he responds, voice tight. “They couldn’t even get access to my damn knee, it’s so swollen. It’s exactly like Dublin.  _ Exactly _ .”

Hunter actually  _ winces _ , and then he turns to Finn. “Was this on purpose?” 

 

Finn looks genuinely hurt, and he straightens his shoulders. “I didn’t want to feud with him to get revenge,” he says coolly. “I would never think of doing something like that to him.  _ Especially  _ not to him, man.”

 

Hunter regards Finn, and then turns back to Seth, before nodding. “Of course. These are both unfortunate accidents,” If Seth didn’t know their boss any better, he’d say his voice was apologetic. “Keep me updated?”

 

“Sure, whatever,” Seth says, turning away. Hunter hangs around for a moment, before he leaves again, leaving Finn and Seth alone.

 

Finn is radiating an awkward energy, and Seth just knows that he is going to speak. “Seth…”

 

“Finn, it’s done,  _ I’m  _ done, alright?” he says, and though he wants his voice to be harsh, he just sounds… Flat. Like he has nothing left. “I fucked it up again, I shouldn’t have tried to save myself like that.”

 

“I shouldn’t have moved like that, I know you, I should’ve known you’d try to change too quickly,” Finn’s voice is very soft. “You landed on your knee before, I knew something wasn’t right, but I just…” He stops for a moment, clearly trying to centre himself before continuing. “I just kept going, like you did in August.  _ I  _ fucked up, Seth.  _ Me _ .”

 

Seth turns to him, and all his pain, all his guilt is spilling out of him before he can stop it. “How can it be you? You’re the golden boy, a goddamn king! You are  _ perfect _ , Finn! You couldn’t have-- You--” The tears come back, and Seth does nothing to stop them either. “Back in Dublin, I was thinking about you, about where you were. I was thinking about you, and I fucked myself up. I felt so goddamn fucking guilty that I guess I called on your demon king to punish me! It happened in Dublin, it all--” He has to stop again, his breathing shuddering.

 

So Finn interrupts. “I’m not perfect,” he whispers. “I’m not gold, I’m tainted goods, Seth. I get my power from an entity we don’t even understand, and even if they cannot hurt humans, I sure as hell can.” There is another moment of silence. “Bálor has a magic, and it is stronger in Ireland than anywhere else, but they couldn’t cause something like that. And even if they could… When you were injured, I wasn’t even in Ireland. I was here, learning that something had gone wrong.”

 

“I couldn’t fucking stop messing up,” Seth’s words are angry, and his voice is pitched and breaking. “I was thinking about you tonight, with no fucking guilt, I just wanted that chance again, a chance to prove to everyone that I’m not the destructive brute that they all think. And look where it got me.”

 

“Seth, for the love of--” Finn comes over to his side, putting absolutely no space between them. “You didn’t cause it this time. No, don’t you dare argue with me. You tried to save your head, I know that. I made this mistake, and I doubt there is forgiveness for it. But don’t sit there and try to tell yourself that you are at fault!”

 

Seth’s mouth opens, but no words come out. All his fight leaves him in a rush, and he collapses forward against Finn’s shoulder, where he just lets himself openly sob. “I could… I could never be what you are…”

 

“You are gold to me,” Finn murmurs. “Seth, you are royalty to  _ me _ . And that’s what matters now, alright?” He kisses Seth’s hair, and smoothes it back. “This injury changes nothing. It changes  _ nothing  _ about you.”

 

“I’m…” Seth shudders, the pain in his knee coming back. “I’m sorry… About August. About everything.”

 

“I forgive you, I will always forgive you,” Finn takes Seth’s face in his hands. “Look at me. Will you forgive me?”

 

“Yes,” Seth says without hesitation. “Yes, Finn, I-- Accidents happen. And we were both at fault then, and we’re both… We’re both at fault now.”

 

“This isn’t just your burden,” Finn tells him softly. “Let me shoulder my part, babe, will you? Don’t go off and be a kingslayer all on your own. Actually take a king with you.”

 

Despite it all, Seth laughs through his tears.

 

⌖

 

_ “MCL, ACL, PCL. Pretty much the same party as the left knee, so same recovery. Nine months maximum.” _

 

_ “Fucking hell, are you going to be alright?” _

 

_ “I’m worried about Seth more than myself. I’m letting him stay with me during rehab.” _

 

_ “That’s probably our safest option… Look out for him?” _

 

_ “With everything I am.” _

 

⌖

 

Seth spent three months back in Iowa after his surgery, needing space away from everyone that was involved with the business. It was lonely as fuck, and Christ, his sadness had not been helped at all. He’d mentioned the sadness, the seemingly unending pit of darkness he is stuck in that has been around for countless years now, probably even longer than just August, longer than just Dublin.

 

Despite not having training in that particular area, his doctor brought up a word Seth had been dreading and ultimately avoiding: depression. If it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it’s probably fucking depression.

 

Seth laughed it off then, because there is no way in hell that he could be. But when he subscribed himself to the loneliness that is Iowa, he realised that laughing it off may not have been the correct response. It actually makes the most sense out of everything, because a curse to be unhappy for all eternity doesn’t completely subscribe to the idea of how a brain works.

 

He ships himself to Florida almost immediately. He rings Finn at the airport, and though the great Iowa Isolation didn’t involve cutting off phone contact, hearing Finn’s voice is everything he needed. He just needs Finn, he’s needed Finn for months. Before the injury. And he needs to tell Finn this face to face.

 

He lets it slip while Finn is switching between channels on the TV, trying to find one of his goddamn soccer matches, while his new chosen genre of music plays softly in the background. It’s late, but Seth pain meds haven’t kicked in yet, and Finn seems to be in another one of his insomnia episodes, so they’re both up like useless wrecks.

 

“I think I know what’s been wrong with me… All the self hatred and blame and shit,” Seth says, rubbing his thigh idly. His knee is throbbing, but it is beginning to dull. Finn looks at him, his eyes warm. “I’ve been fuckin’... Avoiding it for this long, but there’s not time like the present, babe.”

 

“It sounds like you’re trying to morbidly propose to me,” Finn jokes, and Seth does laugh at it, though he avoids bringing up his immediate comment: ‘we’d have to be dating for me to propose.’

 

“Very funny,” he says instead. Finn touches his arm softly, allowing him to continue. “It makes… The most sense given my… Brain situation, I guess. I think… I’m pretty sure I have depression, or at least something like it.”

 

“That sounds pretty spot on, actually,” Finn says thoughtfully. “It explains some of the other stuff too, though… We know who caused the trust issues.”

 

Seth’s past is left at that comment, but Seth nods anyway. “I think that I should… See someone about it, probably. It’s literally… I don’t have a lot of drive to get better to get back to work, because I don’t really… Have a drive for work now.”

 

“Oh, well,” Finn smiles wryly, though Seth can tell it is failing to mask nervousness. “If you’ll have me, I’d love to try again with a proper championship feud?”

 

Seth cracks a smile, and for once, it feels good to do so. “You are a cheap as fuck antidepressant,” he murmurs, and Finn rolls his eyes.

 

“Don’t turn yourself into some manic pixie dream girl, Rollins,” he drawls, and Seth leans his head on Finn’s shoulder. “I hope that your trust extends to talking to me when stuff gets bad.”

 

“It does,” Seth nods. Finn smiles softly and after the slightest hesitation, brings their lips together. Even though it has been a while, it feels as natural as their first did nearly a year ago. A million dumb questions with their equally dumb responses dance on Seth’s tongue, many offered up by his depression gremlin. He asks none of them, and just sticks to kissing Finn, and allows himself to admit to the next thing pinning his shoulders to the mat.

 

He’s depressed, and he’s completely and utterly in love with Finn  Bálor. And he knows that that love won’t be the reason his depression is magically cured, and he knows he’ll have bad days, and Finn will have his, but Christ, as long as Seth loves him, he’ll fight any and all battles.

 

_ This is your flame, Kingslayer. I suggest you handle it well. _

 

‘I suggest you take your suggestion and shove it. I might still be learning what to do, but I’m not going to fuck it up with him.’

 

_ I know you will not, yet my suggestion remains the same. Handle it well, and you will burn them down. _

 

Seth smiles a bit, and though his head is in shambles, his knee is giving him hell, he is healing in a way he had never expected.

 

‘ _ I loved you in the best way possible.’ _

 

Thanks, indie rock man, you’re really helping to set the mood.

 

⌖

 

Like everything else within their time together, everything happens unexpectedly. Seth’s knee seems to be healing faster than what his left was, and though he knows that’s really not how it works, Seth has jokingly told Finn it’s because he’s finally letting himself be a human being and admitting all the hard shit.

 

Finn always just rolls his eyes and smiles at him.

That’s kind of how it happens. They’re having another one of their late nights, Seth’s mood is a slight downswing and Finn’s own troubles not allowing him to sleep. Seth, on the other hand, is utterly fucking exhausted. His day with the physiotherapist was good, but it was long and painful and Seth still isn’t sleeping very well.

 

The soccer is on again, a game between two teams that Seth doesn’t know and that Finn clearly doesn’t really care about. They’re also in a weird position, trying to cuddle but Seth’s leg needs to be elevated and Finn’s couch isn’t exactly big enough for six foot large Seth and five foot big Finn to lie together comfortably with Seth’s leg still elevated.

 

Regardless, they’re somehow making it work. And it’s there that it happens.

 

Seth is sleepily regarding the screen, watching the two teams play. “Which ones would you rather see win?” he murmurs, and Finn laughs.

 

“I could ask you the same thing,” he says, running his fingers through Seth’s hair slowly. Seth hums, and he watches for a moment longer, trying to focus on the screen properly.

 

“The red ones,” he comes to the conclusion, and Finn’s fingers stop in his hair. 

 

“How dare you betray me in this way, Rollins,” Finn says in a low voice, and if Seth didn’t know him any better, it would be menacing. “Wishing Liverpool would win. Scandalous. I don’t know if I can do this.”

 

Seth twists a bit to look up at him, stifling a yawn. “Well, I love you more than I love Liverpool,” he says, and then his exhausted brain decides it’s now time to actually recognise the words coming out of his big, dumb mouth.

 

Finn stares at him, and Seth, for the first time since the injury, really, feels guilt. He’s really just gone and fucked it. He’s going to lose everything now, isn’t he? The house he’s practically moved into at this point, and his… Well, his everything. His Finn. He’s going to lose it now.

 

“Seth…?”

 

“You know what? Actually, ignore that I said that, man,” Seth tries to scoot away, but Finn stops him. 

 

“No way, nope,” he says, holding Seth in place. “Say… Say it again.”

 

Now it’s Seth turn to stare. He… Alright, that wasn’t at the reaction Seth expected from a dumb confession that he shouldn’t have even said. Well, here goes nothing, then. “I love you. I didn’t want to like, tell myself that I did, because man, I barely have friends, and I couldn’t even… Think of bringing feelings into a fuck buddy situation.”

“I love you too,” Finn murmurs. “This… Whole fucking thing. I did it because it’s the best I thought I’d ever get with you. Because there’s no way in hell anyone would love demon scraps.”

 

“Well, you love a disabled time bomb, neither of us are perfect,” Seth says with a laugh of relief. “Oh, holy fuck, Finn. I really thought I’d done it in, babe.”

 

“I’ve been waiting for a sign to ask you,” Finn says softly. “I don’t really like that it’s on… You know, injury terms, but. Seth, I love you, and honestly? I want people to know it. I want to be your partner, properly.”

 

“You changed me,” Seth says in an equally soft voice. “When we met, all I had was the people I thought I needed, but… What I needed was you. I needed you to sweep into that locker room and steal my goddamn headphone and force me back to where I abandoned you.” He takes one of Finn’s hands and interlocks their fingers. “I know that trying to cease all contact with you after rehab probably wasn’t the best thing of me to do, but… I was scared. I was scared to get close to you, because I’ve been so afraid of the hurt I’m capable of, especially to you.”

 

Finn squeezes his hand. “When I saw you get hurt in that match, I felt some kind of pull again, man,” His words are soft, his accent turning them to a song. “I needed to get to you, to make sure you were alright. I’d heard the rumours about you before we started working together, and they started up again after that night, and… I guess that chivalrous part of me really needed to make itself known.”

 

“So I recall, babe,” Seth says with a laugh. “You told me I looked like a lass being dumped in the rain.” That brings Finn’s laughter into the mix. “I never thanked you for that. So, look man, thank you for ignoring all my asshole ways. I know I’m not perfect, and I never will be. But I know that I love you, and I have probably loved you since our time in rehab and I just couldn’t wrap my big, dumb head around it.”

 

Finn kisses him deep, an invitation to something later. When they pull back, Finn sighs contently. “So, how about it, babe?” he asks, bringing back the passing nickname that Seth had lowkey relatively clung to. “Will you be mine?”

 

“I mean, I will be if you’re going to nurse me back to health,” Seth says with a smirk. Finn shakes his head with that bright smile of his that Seth fell for so long ago. “Yes, Finn, no matter what, I’m yours.” Finn responds with a soft noise and another deep and slow kiss.

 

“I’ll get you back to where you oughta be, rockstar,” he murmurs softly near his lips. “If you’ll help me do the same.”

 

“‘Course babe,” Seth grins, bringing their bodies as close as they can get. “Back to the real rock’n’rolla.” 

 

⌖

 

_ “Are you happy?” _

 

_ “More than I thought I ever deserved to be. He really saved my life, I think, in more ways than one.” _

 

_ “Is he the one?” _

 

_ “Absolutely. I have no doubt in my mind that I’ll just keep on finding him. Life is cyclical like that, I think.” _

 

⌖

 

_ ‘ _ _ These words you should always remember, to you, my heart I surrender’ _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> songs / lyrics mentioned in this fic are, in order they appear:
> 
> The Phoenix - Fall Out Boy  
> The Grand Delusion - Neck Deep  
> Something Wonderful - Seaway  
> Knights of Cydonia - Muse  
> I'm Not Made by Design - Nothing but Thieves  
> No Rest - Dry the River  
> My Heart I Surrender - I Prevail


End file.
